Friday, February 16, 2007

Because I'm interested in this crap...

WSX, an upstart professional wrestling promotion that recently landed a deal with MTV, is now in hot water with the network over a stunt performed during a scene in this week's episode; the episode in question has, incidentally, been pulled (though the series of ten taped episodes will continue to air next week).

The stunt involves one wrestler throwing a "fireball" into the face of another wrestler, the veteran and organization's champion, Vampiro. When MTV officials caught wind of the scene, it was yanked faster than (insert masturbation reference) because they were concerned that it might inspire impressionable viewers to try the stunt themselves.

Now let me make sure I understand this correctly: the network that made hundreds of millions of dollars off of a show (you know the one), two spinoffs, and subsequent two films that depicted, among other things, ass-cheeks stapled together, pouring crawfish into a grown man's diaper, sitting on a porcupine, stuffing a condom-wrapped matchbox car up someone's ass, snorting wasabe, and wrestling crocodiles, THIS network is worried about a fireball?!

I guarantee you, anyone retarded enough to attempt that stunt was probably also stupid enough to staple their butt together AFTER shoving the Micro Machine up their stink tunnel.

I say air the episode and come what may. If nothing else, this is a prime opportunity to implement Social Darwinism.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Political Wedgie

This'll be a quick one.

So finally the Democratic House has unleashed the primal, gale-force winds of its, er...non-binding opposition to Bush's troop buildup. When this issue was first brought up, I was one of the first (and many) to denounce the Democrats for their pussyfooting and noncommittal with regards to the situation. I will say, however, in defense that if the bill is passed, its going to be quite a blow to the ego and morale of Bush's administration; early speculations already label this hypothetical measure as a duly-timed force of debate that could back Republicans into a corner, making it imperative that they take a stance on the problem, a non-binding stance though it certainly may be.

In short, if this measure is passed, the fallout should be a hell of a lot of fun to watch; we've already chuckled to ourselves at the Democrats' bitching about the troop increase before and after some of them applauded ol' W at the State of the Union. Now we may experience the pleasure of witnessing the Republican party pulling its collective bunyan-ridden foot out of its mouth for the same reasons.

We are a mass of fools under the thumb of jackasses.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Various news sites and cable TV talking heads reported today that a contingent of Republican senators blocked the non-binding resolution that would have led to official debate on the subject within the Senate.

Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois, the second-ranking Democrat, says in response, "If the Republicans want to stand by their president and his policy, they shouldn't run from this debate. If they believe we should send thousands of our young soldiers into the maws of this wretched civil war, they should at least have the courage to stand and defend their position," he said.

This is the part where I say that the Democrats need to show some chutzpah and pursue some action more definitive than a non-binding resolution. In the spirit of Capitol Hill pussyfooting, however, I will side with the lesser of two evils and follow Durbin's lead. With reference to that, check out Republican Senator Judd Gregg's answer following pressure to cut off funding and begin the withdrawal:

"We should not take action once soldiers have been sent into the field and are putting their lives at risk," he said. "We should not be saying to them through a resolution, which is nonbinding, that we don't think the mission you're on makes sense and we don't want you to do it."

Great Sauteed Meerkats, where do I start with this one? Which part of that quote is the most idiotic? The part where he says we shouldn't take action AFTER soldiers are sent into the field? How about when he makes the point about troop morale?

Well, they're equally stupid and shortsighted. Now that 21,000 more soldiers are in the field (by order of a President who chooses to ignore the opinions of 2/3 of his country), it is far beyond the time to take action. With each day that passes, the chance increases that more of our soldiers will be lost to this ridiculous affair.

It amazes me--well, not anymore, as glaring examples of it seem to keep popping up--how gullible politicians think WE ALL are. Allow me to address this next statement directly to Gregg; perhaps it will drive the point home:


That's it; I'm done. This makes me sick.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Get loose. Footloose. Or something.

Constantly scanning news sources and electronically scribbling quasi-manifestos about the state of our nation can often get very cumbersome, not to mention quite jading. It is for that reason alone that I am forgoing the usual format, and am going to somewhat follow my father's lead in writing about...well, life. So yeah, read on.

People just don't cut loose enough; everyone is unbelievably uptight. I'm constantly watching shows or reading National Geographic articles about base jumpers, mountain climbers, kayakers (sic) and wonder why I, as well as the rest of the country, are not out doing those same things.

To this day I've never done any of those things; whether that fact is due to financial reasons or to my being a wuss is for you to decide--I'm not gonna tell you. I did, however, go to concerts.

I never went to a concert in college till my sophomore year. Beforehand, my collective concert experience was a Jars of Clay show in Nashville, an Aerosmith/Monster Magnet concert with my father (also in Nashville), and a "flashback" concert featuring Jan & Dean and The Four Tops. When I entered college, I had not been to a show in going on four years. I hadn't lost my taste for it or anything, its just something I never really thought about.

At the beginning of my sophomore year, I fell into the role of Arts & Entertainment Editor for our campus newspaper. As this was LaGrange College, my job may at first glance have been likened to sports editor at MIT. It just so happened, though, that there was a very strong contingent of advocacy for the arts at that school, and I was basically given free reign to write about whatever I wanted, to cover or review anything that struck my fancy.

As luck would have it, Flogging Molly came to Atlanta in September of that year. For the uninitiated, Flogging Molly are a traditional Irish band, but with a punk edge; the band includes tin whistles, fiddles, mandolins and accordions, but features hard-driving rhythms and electric guitar galore. Due to the miniscule amount of Scotch-Irish blood in my veins, I'm a big fan, and so headed out with my friends Libby and Danielle to cover the show.

I stayed at the back of the small venue for the two opening acts; I'd never heard them before and actually wanted to listen. But finally, when the headliners took the stage in total blackness to the sound of Joe Strummer's "Redemption Song," I plowed my way into the crowd, ready to engage in whatever might transpire; I'd never been in a mosh pit before and was experiencing feelings akin to climbing a roller coaster that was surely too high. As soon as the band kicked into the jig that was "The Likes of You Again" I was in the midst of a vortex of flying bodies, most pierced, some tattooed, all smelly. Strange then, perhaps, that I began to enjoy myself and began to alternately shove against and move with the mass, occasionally pushing upwards to heave a crowd-surfer off of my head. I gradually let go of inhibition and slept better that night.

Throughout the rest of my college years, I got into several mosh pits at Between the Buried and Me, Every Time I Die, and even got onstage at Andrew WK. All were liberating, all were some small part of an anonymous camraderie existing between the people at those concerts.

So jump off a bridge, go to a concert, get into a fight, take a cruise, swim with the sharks. Do anything that will make for a good story one day.

Or at least good blog fodder.